Anshula Kapoor recently opened up about the values her mother instilled in her and her brother, actor Arjun Kapoor, describing how their upbringing was rooted in fairness and equality.
Despite a six-year age gap between the siblings, Anshula, in an interview with Hauterrfly, shared that her mother, Mona Shourie Kapoor, maintained the same expectations for both, setting a powerful example by never imposing separate rules based on gender.
“When we moved into our own space, bhaiya, mom and me, my mom was a one person army. She was the breadwinner, she was the caretaker, she was the love-giver, she was the problem-solver. For me she was both parents in one. So, yeah she was everything.”
When asked whether her mother held different expectations for her children because one was a boy and the other a girl, she responded, “Kabhi nahi (No, never),” giving an example from her childhood, “Growing up, curfews didn’t exist. That is the amount of trust that my mom had.”
Anshula continued, “Agar galti se main kahi bahar gayi — kyuki main bahar bhi itna zyada jaati nahi thi (If by chance I went out somewhere — because I hardly went out much anyway) — she would be like okay be home by 12.30-1 am. And if it extended to 1 or 1.30 am, all I had to do was at 11.30-12 am, send her a BBM hota tha na tab, ek message daal do (we used BBM back then, just send a message) that ‘Mom, I’m here; I’ll be home by this time’. Her only reply would be ‘what is your mode of transport coming back’.”
“The same rules applied to Arjun bhaiya,” she added.
Anshula’s experience highlights the benefits of a parenting style that promotes equal responsibilities and avoids traditional gender norms.
Be mindful of how chores are framed. Avoid phrases like ‘boys don’t do dishes’ or ‘girls should take care of the home.’ (Source: Freepik)
Some practical ways parents can avoid gender-based rules and assign responsibilities based on age or capability
“Parents can avoid gender-based rules by focusing on fairness and individual abilities rather than stereotypes,” says Neha Cadabam, senior child psychologist at Cadabams Child Development Center. Practical strategies, according to her, include:
Define Responsibilities Clearly: Assign household tasks and responsibilities based on what each child can handle physically and mentally, considering their age and capability. For instance, if one child is older and capable of cooking, they can take on meal preparation, while a younger sibling may be responsible for simpler tasks like organising their room.
Avoid Language that Reinforces Gender Roles: Be mindful of how chores are framed. Avoid phrases like ‘boys don’t do dishes’ or ‘girls should take care of the home.’ Instead, emphasise that all family members contribute equally to shared responsibilities.
Rotate Roles: Create a rotation system for tasks, ensuring every child gets exposure to different responsibilities. This prevents the perception that certain tasks are tied to gender.
Involve Children in Decision-Making: Ask children what responsibilities they feel ready to take on. This empowers them and ensures that tasks align with their interests and strengths.
Impact of such an upbringing on children
“Siblings raised with equal expectations and rules are less likely to feel resentment or favouritism, fostering mutual respect and cooperation,” notes Cadabam, adding that when children are given responsibilities based on their capabilities, they develop a sense of competence and self-worth. This encourages independence and prepares them to handle challenges later in life.
Additionally, equal treatment teaches siblings to value each other’s contributions and recognise shared responsibilities, promoting empathy and teamwork. “When children see tasks and expectations distributed equally, they are less likely to internalise societal biases about what boys or girls ‘should’ do. This leads to healthier attitudes toward gender roles as they grow,” highlights Cadabam.
