Actor Karishma Tanna recently opened up about a deeply personal memory from her childhood, revealing how her birth was initially met with tears from her mother.
“My mother cried when I was born,” she said, adding that her mother confessed to not seeing her face “for three days” because she was unhappy with a girl being born instead of a boy. Tanna continued, “But, it was not that my family was feeling bad that I was born. It was the pressure of society and the joint family.”
She continued, “Because saamne jo the woh do ladke hue the. I’ve seen so much struggle and arguments in the house. At the age of 14-15, tab hi maine soch liya tha ki main, jo ek mard kar sakta hai, woh main kar ke dikhaungi. I don’t believe that there is anything a man can do that a woman can’t do (sic).”
Living in a joint family can offer unparalleled support and a sense of community, but it can also bring unique challenges, particularly when societal norms and expectations come into play. Understanding how to navigate these dynamics is crucial for fostering healthy relationships while maintaining personal well-being.
Dr Arohi Vardhan, senior consultant and adult and child and adolescent psychiatrist, tells indianexpress.com, “Living in a shared space often means sacrificing privacy, which can affect mental well-being, particularly for women managing multiple roles. Women frequently bear the responsibility of caregiving and household duties, often sidelining their personal aspirations. This ‘invisible labour’ is a significant source of stress, as highlighted in a study from the Journal of Family Psychology.”
She adds, “Differences in values, especially around gender roles and career choices, often lead to conflicts between generations within joint families. Women in joint families may face constant comparisons with other family members, adding pressure to conform to traditional norms.”
How do societal pressures influence parenting decisions and family dynamics in traditional joint families?
As seen in Karishma’s story, societal norms often prioritise male children. “This bias can lead to emotional struggles for parents, especially mothers, and perpetuate gender inequality,” notes Dr Vardhan.
Parents may feel compelled to adhere to cultural practices, she states, even when they conflict with their personal beliefs or modern values. This dynamic often causes friction within families. Girls also may face restrictions on education or career choices, while boys are burdened with expectations of financial and familial responsibility.
Dr Vardhan says, “Research in Developmental Psychology indicates that societal pressures can cause parents to project their anxieties onto their children, leading to stricter parenting and reduced emotional freedom.”
Girls may face restrictions on education or career choices, while boys are burdened with expectations of financial and familial responsibility. (Source: Freepik)
Coping mechanisms
Here are some coping strategies according to Dr Vardhan:
Promote Equality: Educate family members about the importance of equal opportunities for boys and girls.
Respect Individual Aspirations: Support personal goals, whether it’s pursuing higher education, starting a career, or exploring hobbies.
Scheduled Family Time: Dedicate specific times for shared meals or activities to strengthen bonds while allowing personal space.
Conflict Resolution Mechanisms: Address disagreements through active listening and collaborative problem-solving.
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